The Struggle with Screen Time

Before the Corona crisis, I would vigilantly calculate and mete out measured amounts of screen time for our daughter. While we are not a family that completely abstains from the use of tablets and apps, limiting screen time has certainly been something we’ve been adamant about. Our outdoor classes have been a means to counteract the harmful impacts of screen time. However, now things are different.

Overall, the use of children’s online platforms has increased significantly in connection with shelter in place policies across the country for obvious reasons. From schools turning to remote learning, to the loss of childcare for working parents and the need for new indoor activities to keep everyone busy and sane, this sudden increase of screen time usage could barely be avoided. Yet, that doesn’t mean the issues regarding screen time have gone away.

It makes sense to recognize that these are extraordinary times that call for an extraordinary amount of generosity and even trust. Sticking with a prototype practiced in more predictable circumstances won’t yield the same results now. Therefore exerting energy in an area that is no longer appropriate will just leave us feeling exhausted, frustrated, and ineffective. If we give ourselves and our children some slack, for the time being, that won’t mean all of our work in the past will disappear, nor does it mean that we’re doomed to a certain future that we don’t want. A professor of mine always said, “champions adjust”. We can adjust for now, just like we can make future adjustments later when circumstance becomes more stable. Right now, what’s essential is to prioritize our health – both physical and mental - over productivity and unrealistic expectations.

What’s been a blessing and a curse is my daughter’s ability to reflect my own image back to me. I’ve noticed how my language and ideals have wound up in my daughter’s pretend play and communication with her friends. I’ve seen myself, my mother, and generations before, show up in quick snatches of reactions and the movements of my child. Many parents may notice things - they would otherwise have ignored about themselves - brought to light and even magnified when watching their children. There is no doubt that what we model for our children is powerful. James Baldwin said, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” If we take a look at how often we are on devices, it may make sense why our children are also asking for their tablet as soon as they wake up.

Although uncomfortable - because it’s new - there is an opportunity to create more intentional practices for our families. Now that so many routines and distractions have disappeared or been diminished greatly, we have the opportunity to focus and unpack some considerations we may have overlooked in the past. What if we “Marie Kondo’d” our lives and only kept the practices, traditions, and habits that truly brought us joy and parted with the rest? What if we discovered new past-times and ways to relax that was not only less harmful to our health but brought us together with our family and improved our sense of self? It would be nice to have conversations that weren’t always about the Real Housewives or our work. We may develop new ways of relating to ourselves and others. Who knows?

And as we all know, austerity isn’t always practical or beneficial, so some screen time is just likely to occur given our present circumstances, but all screen time is not the same. Some studies reveal that shows like Mister Rogers that have a slower pace have a lot less of a negative impact than shows like The Power Puff Girls that are much more stimulating to the senses. So, choosing intentionally what kind of screen time programing to provide makes a huge difference.

I’m hoping right now is the turning point where we don’t simply get buried in the avalanche of increased technology entering our homes and our culture but instead, we strategically assign how and when to use the mountain of technological advancements coming our way such that we still prioritize our humanity.